Alaskans throw out a lot of bold talk about the winter, saying they are having a great time. But in all honesty, how could anyone love the Alaskan winter? Honestly, it’s all just a bunch of lies. We like to say that it’s “beautiful” and “fun,” but everyone knows that even heartiest soul fails to thrive in the miserable existence that is the Alaskan winter. No one in their right mind would choose to come here between October and April.
If you are toying with the insane idea of visiting Alaska in winter, here are some reasons why that’s actually the worst idea ever:
- The sun takes FOREVER to rise.
JLS Photography - Alaska | Flickr The angle of the Earth makes the sunrises and sunsets endless. How boring.
- Glaciers are just piles of old, dirty snow.
Cale Green | Flickr Who would go glacier hiking in the winter? It’s not like they aren’t there in the summer.
- What’s the point of all these mountains, anyway?
Kelly Marcum | Flickr Mountains in the winter just sit there, covered with snow. Who cares?
- The roads are TERRIFYING!
Sonya | Flickr If you want to drive on sheets of ice through hairpin turns just to get to another part of Alaska, go ahead. But sane people will just stay home.
- Who wants to ice skate on a frozen lake?
Paxson Woelber | Flickr I mean, there’s no Zamboni, no locker room, and no benches for putting your skates on.
- Bottom line: You are always cold.
Dhilung Kirat | Flickr Why would anyone subject themselves to months and months of shivering?
- The light is so dim, the world looks black & white.
Amaury Laporte | Flickr Who wants to walk around in the dull, dusky light? Only people who hate the sun.
- Free time activities include shoveling snow, blowing snow, and brushing snow off vehicles.
JLS Photography - Alaska | Flickr Snow. It’s just white, cold, and plain boring. No one likes the ghastly stuff.
- The only color is in the clouds.
JLS Photography - Alaska | Flickr For the most part, the landscape consists of forests that appear black and snow that gleams white. Only the sun makes any color at all, and it seems to ignore the state for months!
- Winter hiking? Is that even a thing?
Joseph | Flickr Definitely an acquired taste when cold toes and noses are practically guaranteed.
- Wild animals just walk into your yard!
Alaskan Wilderness Photography | Flickr Moose, hunting for food, can make you late to work by just standing between you and your car all day.
- And they act like they own the roads!
JLS Photography - Alaska | Flickr All the “amazing” wildlife just run in front of your when you’re driving on icy roads, putting everyone in danger. Caribou and moose are notorious, but arctic fox, arctic hares, voles, ptarmigan, and all kinds of things run into the roads. Learn to drive, animals.
- The aurora borealis is always out when it’s super cold.
Karthik Sridharan | Flickr No one wants to get out their warm, cozy bed to look at some boring old aurora in the middle of the night.
- The sun doesn’t rise until after I have to be at work? Who can live like this!
Karthik Sridharan | Flickr The sun rises so late, how can anybody expect to get out of bed before it? This is just an impossible place to live.
Alaska is truly miserable in winter and no one should ever visit. It’s a good thing you had us here to tell you the truth.
JLS Photography - Alaska | Flickr
The angle of the Earth makes the sunrises and sunsets endless. How boring.
Cale Green | Flickr
Who would go glacier hiking in the winter? It’s not like they aren’t there in the summer.
Kelly Marcum | Flickr
Mountains in the winter just sit there, covered with snow. Who cares?
Sonya | Flickr
If you want to drive on sheets of ice through hairpin turns just to get to another part of Alaska, go ahead. But sane people will just stay home.
Paxson Woelber | Flickr
I mean, there’s no Zamboni, no locker room, and no benches for putting your skates on.
Dhilung Kirat | Flickr
Why would anyone subject themselves to months and months of shivering?
Amaury Laporte | Flickr
Who wants to walk around in the dull, dusky light? Only people who hate the sun.
Snow. It’s just white, cold, and plain boring. No one likes the ghastly stuff.
For the most part, the landscape consists of forests that appear black and snow that gleams white. Only the sun makes any color at all, and it seems to ignore the state for months!
Joseph | Flickr
Definitely an acquired taste when cold toes and noses are practically guaranteed.
Alaskan Wilderness Photography | Flickr
Moose, hunting for food, can make you late to work by just standing between you and your car all day.
All the “amazing” wildlife just run in front of your when you’re driving on icy roads, putting everyone in danger. Caribou and moose are notorious, but arctic fox, arctic hares, voles, ptarmigan, and all kinds of things run into the roads. Learn to drive, animals.
Karthik Sridharan | Flickr
No one wants to get out their warm, cozy bed to look at some boring old aurora in the middle of the night.
The sun rises so late, how can anybody expect to get out of bed before it? This is just an impossible place to live.
Looking to learn more about how there’s nothing to do in Alaska in winter? Check out 14 Things No One Tells You About Surviving An Alaska Winter.
(In case you missed it, this is entirely sarcastic. We Alaskans know our state is actually AMAZING in winter and anyone who doesn’t think so is totally missing out!)
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